Dreams

Many poets crossed my way

with words which have 

wretched my heart for long.

But no one sang my song.

till one day, my song came along.

I don't know who,

I don't know why and

what those words had in them.

They pulled a chord so deep within.

My song sang to me from seas faraway.

It told me stories of love and hope.

It took me by the hand and into a fairyland.

I drifted with its currents.

and here I am, as if in a strange world.

A world that I hardly know.

My song brought me here, but it is gone now.

some wind carried it away.

oh so cold! This foreign land.

and so cold so cold my hands

As winter sets on my dreams.

I pray my song flies back to me,

takes away the grayness and

takes away the loneliness and takes me back

Back to the fairyland where I was. 

Ummeed

Kudrat ne milaya bewafaa se jo,

dil ki fidrat rahi ke usse pyar kiye jaaye.

Ishq ka raasta ab jaane kis mod pe liye jaaye.

Aankhon pe lagaaye, mohabbat ka rumaani parda,

andheri raaton se roshni ki ummeed kiye jaaye.

Manzil par khade, raaston se shikwa kiye jaaye.

Jaam uthaya zindagi ka, honthon se lagaane ke liye,

phir bhi, besabab yeh zeher ke ghoonth piye jaaye.

Ek pal ki zindagi se, sau maut liye jaaye.

Surkh-si aankhon mein ab bas aansoo hi baaki hain,

phir bhi, yeh khushnuma khwabon ki fariyaad kiye jaaye.

Munasib daaeron se ab ishq hume duur liye jaaye.

Ibaadat

Tukda-tukda chaand gira hai, ek tukda sajaa lo aasma mein
baaki bikher dungi zameen pe, chaloge toh aasma-sa lagega.

Hadd hi ki hadd par kar, aaj suraj jhukao kadmon mein.

roshan-roshan pairon se chaloge toh mere ghar-sa lagega.

Likhi-padhi baatein bhool, aaj kho jaao apni duniya mein,

yeh taaron bhari raat phir ek sapnaa-sa lagega.

Nayi nayi si hawa chali hai, aaj barson ke baad,

mehki hawa ka jhonka, phoolon ka guldasta lagega.

Rooh se jude ho iss kadar, tumhe maloom nahi hai.

Kabhi ehsaas hua, toh tumhe yeh ibaadat-sa lagega.

Saathi...

Saathi ki kabhi zaroorat nahi thi
Par saath tumhara maanga zaroor
Akelapan toh ek banjar zameen hai
Khushi ke phool hamesha kahan ugte hain.

Jhilmil si raat khatm ho jati hai
yeh bhi jaan lo, ki log rehte nahi
roshan-si yeh mehfil bhi uktaa jayegi
parwane hamesha kahan saath dete hain.

Guzar-basar ke bhanwar mein
Log aksar pyaar bhool jate hain.
Haath pakde chalte hain do kadam
Phir saathi pichle mod pe chhod aate hain

Yeh badha hua haath mera thaam bhi lo.
Akele kitni zindagi basar karoge?
Rahein milti hain bas ek baar
Humsafar bhi roz-roz kahan aate hain

Rakho....

Yaadon ke guchhe mein ek yaad piro ke rakho.
Purani kitabon mein ek phool chhupa ke rakho.

Har panne ke kone mein siyahi bhari koi kahani ho.
Mere naam ke labzon se woh kahani bana ke rakho.

Kabhi meri payal ya chudi giri hogi tumhare paas
Uss gire hue mere khwaab ko kahin sajaa ke rakho.

Jab tumhare kandhe par sar rakh ke roi thi main,
Unn bheege hue se palon ko apne dil mein dabaa ke rakho.

Raston par hum chale the behke-behke kadam leke
Unn raston par kabhi-kabhi thode phool bichaa ker rakho.

Kabhi kaha nahi kuch bhi par suna tha, band hoton se
unn khamosh se lamhon ko hoton se lagaa ke rakho.

Sardi ki woh subah yaad hai, jab khushi ko dhoop se seencha tha
Uss naram dhoop ki roshni se apna ghar nehla ke rakho.

Jab chali jaaun main, toh aana iss naye ghar mein,
Tab tak inn yaadon ko zaraa sambhaal ke rakho.

Aaj

Zaraa si der ho bhi jane do na
Aaj hamaare paas baitho zaraa sa
Jaanaa toh hai, do pal thahar jao na
Hamare pehlu mein ruko zaraa sa
Alvida toh kehna hi hai, aaj nahi toh kal
Bas aaj nahi, kal ko talo
Chhodna hai daaman tumhara chalte-chalte
Aaj do kadam bas aur chal lo
Aansu hain, zindagi bhar behne ke liye
Aankhon mein nami rahegi, tum chaho ya na chaho,
Bas ek aur din hansi maangi hai,
Aaj sookhi-sookhi khushi banke aankhon mein reh jao

Talk to me like lovers do

Talk to me like lovers do.
Tell me about the good in man.
I've seen my shades of black.
Show me the world of colour again.
I know of hardships and reality.
But I want the land of dreams
Take me there, where lovers go.
I want to know how safe life can seem.

Tell me good isn't over.
Take me away from tears.
Tell me fairy-tales can be true.
Tell me there are no reasons to fear
I know that life's not easy.
Tell me it would be with you.
Show me the land of candies again.
Talk to me like lovers do.

Oh! I know of hoping against hope
Lay back the assurance and the trust
Give me back some of the child I had.
Tell me trusting you won't hurt.
I know I can be strong.
Tell me I don't need to with you.
Tell me you will be strong for me.
Talk to me like lovers do.

Travel we do

Before we reach the Arms cradling love,
the heaven-enwrapping tassels of the angels
and the embracing bosom of Mother Earth
we travel and seek in the darkness, we do,
The love, the glory and the pride...
Convoluted and corrupted, is what we get
*For we see through a glass darkly,
and the truth, before it is revealed to all,
face to face, we see in fragments.
Before we make Earth our Mother again
And the journey from our life to Her Motherhood
is but a moment....
though travelling through which, is an Age....


* taken from the Bible 1 Corinthians 13:12

Dear Mumbai

Scared and scarred with the recent upheavals, I know you still run busy and hectic with life.

You have been the final destination of my cloudy dreams, and I have always chased those little butterflies right into your heart. Some I caught and some I lost.
I have fought battles. Some I lost and some I won.
I found love in you, and I lost them here too.
I got my heart broken in front of you, and I mended it with my own hands living with you.
I became a woman in your womb. And I learnt to love myself.
You taught me to question and search for the answers.
You taught me never to give up hope even in the bleakest of times.
You have made me angry, frustrated, and build with in me a sea of volatile strength, which grows each time with each loss.
Never had I experienced the pinch of life and stumbled on way.
But I did that walking on your streets.
You pushed me and bullied me around and you made me stronger than most,
You have shown me the stars and held my feet to the ground.
You have shown me the glamour and stopped me from joining them.
You taught me never to cling to the brightest of the lights, because they will fade sooner than I know.
You have taught me so much and I can’t put words to all that.
You have tried and tested me and made a warrior out of me.
I grew to from a naïve kid to a rebel to a thinker.
I grew from a masochist to a lover of life, from a cynic to a hopeful.
I learnt to take chances and I learnt to live more.
I survived you and I survived in you.
I lost, I learnt, and I grew.

Now as I sit here today, I know I will be bidding you farewell with in a decade of days.
I know, I will not be missed very much, and that is a part of your charm.
You can live without any one, but no one can live without you.
I know I will visit you in the years to come only to witness passive memories, because I will dwell on them when I leave you.
I will witness changed souls and distanced relationships. And somewhere regret the changes.

But I will not regret the times spent together, and the joys you have brought me in all these years.
And I will not regret the tears I cried, because every pain has very much made me what I’m today.
You made me what I am today- A woman, a thinker, a rebel.

Thanks for making me fall in love with me and for everything else left unsaid.

Lots of love and God bless!!

Goodbye!

Ipsa

Past goes into Yellow books

Your past- The years which have gone by... Literally flew by… the years when you felt life was a land of fairies and goodies… and your dreams carved with sugar and toffees… the years when you dreamt of the idyllic land of good and the incurable romanticism of eternal love… and the forever-and-ever love story of you and your Prince Charming…

The year when you were 14 and life was a bed of roses… and now it is a lost dream… Your Past. Life was simple then. It was basic- no questions asked, no complicated emotions felt… You were all set to live your life by the current widely prevalent societal guidelines… You were scared to call a spade, a spade… It was just a big spoon to you…

You don’t know when you started calling it a spade… you don’t know when you changed.

As a kid, you used to think that when you grow up, you will fall in love with that one man… that knight-in-shining-armor… and live happily ever after… live that fairytale of Cinderella…

It is like a lost dream now… all that you felt then has undergone a phoenix-like transition… and you have vanished… Correction- Reborn… your dreams differ… it’s like having a dream of a dream…

Now you are all grown-up, ok- fair enough- 24 isn't old-… and strangely you’re not in love as you had dreamt you will be… and you’re satisfied… now you don’t know if you can share those coming 50 years with another man, fondly known the "Prince Charming"… all that you had thought of, 10 years back seems like a dream of another person… not yours… and you don’t know how on God's green, (red blue- all coloured) earth YOU could have had a dream like that!!!

When you look into the mirror, the person you see is content… and you like that individual… and you want to see the same person whenever you look into the mirror, for the rest of your life… there is no man to share that space in your reflection.

So where do we go from here? Where do we head towards? 'Coz you're still a woman; you're still expected to get married and have about 2 healthy babies, and look after your house and husband (notice how Prince Charming transforms into Husband post wedding bells go cling-clang)

Where does this end? and For heaven's sake, Where did this start? I can't ask "why me!", as it isn't that unfortunate really.

Past gone into the yellow books... those old fairytales books, which Ma read out to you at your bed side. They've gone yellow with age.

And so have the dreams.

Life goes on...

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon. And she made love for two, in her empty apartment.
He wasn’t around. A decade of nights had passed, since she last saw him.
She thought of him. And thought some more of the wretched night.

What emptiness! What death of a life!

That night, they spoke.
She intently heard to him speak about the woman he loved.
And she spoke of her engagement to another man.

He had called his fiancée "a comfortable compromise". She had never met her.
He didn’t know her fiancé. Honestly, neither did she.

She hated herself for being there. But she smiled - a smile too polite to be believed and to be taken as genuine.
She was about to attend his court marriage after 3 months.
She wanted to go there as a witness. To the courtroom drama.

They had loomed over each other’s lives for long 15 years.
Even when he had other girl friends, even when she was in other relationships.
They both had pervaded in each-other’s lives.
They knew they can never truly be with each other.

He had compromised on his love and needs.
He didn’t have any wishes or wants any more.
She settled with the thought of separation.
He would move back to their rickety little home town with his wife.
She would fly away to Canada after marriage.
They had different courses of life staring right ahead of them.

He asked why could they never be with each other?
She smiled and said nothing.
Every single moment of love which she felt with in her, was always out of his reach.
She never cried. She never believed him.
He wanted to lie in her arms all days. And he loved her.
They fell in love with each other at different times in their lives.
The times never coincided.
It was the futility of emotions, which wouldn’t ever see the light.
They both had questions in their minds.
For which they would never seek answers to.
It always ended in the same way. The Parting.
They looked at each other, ordered for their drinks and laughed.

It was probably to be the last night that she could be with him- alone.
With a different life right outside their doors, they laughed at the years gone by.
And they laughed at the years which would come, where they would have to sit with each-other with their respective spouses.
And how she and his wife would be gossiping in the kitchen.
And how he and her husband will talk about the stock market and politics in the drawing room.
And how they can never truly be with each other any more when that time comes.
It would then be a glance from the hallway and a casual smile, or may be a handshake or two; with all past passions buried in a smoke of smile and courtesies.
They laughed like it was a parallel reality, away from them.
Like it would never happen
They laughed about the kisses they could have had. And the love they could have made.
So they made up for the lost days and years.

They made love for the first time.

That night was like a mythical creature. It was a legend and a lie.
A story of the untold, which could arouse fear and ecstasy. The Nameless Night.
And it should have lived longer than it did.
The past and the future entangled into that one dark night.

The love they could have had.
The love they never would have.

They lay with each other the whole night.
She couldn’t let him go. And he held tight.

She couldn’t stand him after the night was over.
His thoughts flooded her mind all the time and she could run away.
He packed and quietly took a bath. She wore her clothes.

There was no guilt. There was no pain of parting.
Somehow, they had parted ways long before, but the door was never closed.
They had finally closed doors on the life they could have had.

They never said good byes and kissed their ways away.

She would go back to her life.
Try and fall in love with her fiancé.
He would go back in his flight with his fiancée.

To world, both were still good old friends.
Lies concealed the creaky bed.
Work and perfumes erased the smell of the skins.
Time erased the mark from her body.
But her mind stayed stained.

She thought more of the wretched night in her empty flat, as days went by.
She didn’t know how. That night was over.
And life still went on.

All in a night’s dream.

It was all in a night’s dream.

I could feel the curtains flying in the room. I could feel the sunlight on my face. It was as if I woke up to my future, one fine spring morning. I could see and hear my life so clearly. I could feel the softness of it in my fingers. It felt like soft cotton cloth- livable, breathable and comfortable.

I woke upto a voice, which was singing out of the bathroom. It wasn’t a stranger. I liked the singing. It gave a sense of security.
The security is very unlike my life.

My room was bare and a bit untidy, with newspaper strewn on the bed and a few sheets flying in the room. He had been reading the papers. There was a cup of tea on the side-table, which ran cold, waiting for me. I didn’t bother too much about it.
It was an unusually early Sunday morning. Sunlight drifted into the room through the open window. It let in a cool spring breeze. I could see the neighbouring buildings in the society. I was up on the 7th floor of the building.

It was a happy morning. I liked batik printed bed sheet and soft cushions on the bed. I got out of the bed and walked out of the room.
I came out into my bare and bright drawing room. It had white and uneven walls, sun-yellow and orange curtains, and stone floor. It felt nice to walk on it with my bare feet.

We both had decorated our home together. It was a warm home. I opened the French windows, and went into my balcony. It had an oil painting stand. I painted. He liked to watch me paint.

I liked him. And I like that we aren’t just friends. And we aren’t just lovers. We liked each-others silent company. I painted a lot. And he got them framed. He read the books I got.
We would lie on the couch together. And read books.
I know of days when we spoke about movies and art. And we traveled to remote places. We walked in the rains. And on the beach. And we laughed a lot.
It was life. Exactly the way I had imagined. We lived together. The word marriage was too trivial to decide the boundaries.

Some saw it as a miserable excuse of a life. For us, it was a dream. Which we lived, with our eyes wide open.

Yes. We were married. But that did not decide our lives.
We were two wrong, abnormal people who had life staring at us from the window, and knocking on our doors; a life we were unprepared for. But what we had, was a treasure.

The meaning of life, seen through a dreamer's eyes.

Yes, I dreamt it all. I saw my future in a glimpse, in that dark, rainy night of Mumbai, in my sleep.What would you call such a dream? A dream?

Or your whole Life?